I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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