When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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