i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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