Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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