He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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