the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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