Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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