I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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