Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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