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I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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