Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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