Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize