Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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