you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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