the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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