my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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