I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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