Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize