he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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