Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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