wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize