she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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