He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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