Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize