There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize