The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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