I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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