How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize