i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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