don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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