My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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