i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize