Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize