Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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