wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize