I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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