There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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