We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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