yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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