ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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