Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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