My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize