It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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