she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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