I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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