I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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