If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize