Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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