I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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