It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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