New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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