HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize